My Favorite Musician Joke
Okay, this is probably my all-time favorite musician joke. A little crude perhaps(well, okay, a lot crude)but funny:
A man walks into the Village Vanguard one afternoon, finds the club owner (who’s heard everybody) sitting at the bar, and walks right up to him.
"I’m the best fuckin’ piano player you ever heard", he tells the club owner, "and I’m here for a job".
The owner resists the urge to just throw his ass out (or perhaps offer him employment washing dishes), figures ‘what’ve I got to lose’."Okay pal, you’ve got 5 minutes", he tells the guy. "Dazzle me or your ass is outa here".
So the guy sits down at the piano, and for the next 5 minutes out comes the most amazing sounds the owner has ever heard-and he’s heard everybody!! The guy finishes playing and the club owner is just flabbergasted. "My God, what was that?"he asks the man.
"Oh yeah", he answers. "That’s one of mine. It’s called ‘I’ve Got a Boil on my Ass and It’s Oozing Pus’ ".
The club owner shudders, swallows heavily. "Okay, what else you got?"
And the guy starts playing a ballad. Just like the first tune, they’re the most amazing sounds the owner has ever heard. It’s almost painfully beautiful. He’s crying by the time the guy finishes playing. "And what in the world was that?" he asks the man.
"Oh yeah", the man replies. "Another one of mine. It’s called 'I Have Hemorrhoids and Diahrrea and My Underwear is Filled with Blood and Shit'."
And once again the club owner shudders. This guy is hands-down the most incredible pianist he’s ever heard, but at the same time the crudest individual he’s ever met. Definitely a sensitive situation.
"Okay, here’s what", he tells the guy. "I can start you this Friday. But you don’t say a word to nobody, got it? You just come in, play your sets and get off the stand."
So Friday rolls around, the guy is playing his first set, people are digging it immensely-as he really is an incredible player. He gets up at the end of his set, and a lady stops him.
"Excuse me, sir", she says, "but do you know your pants are ripped and your balls are showing?"
"Know it?!" he replies, "I fuckin’ wrote it!"
A man walks into the Village Vanguard one afternoon, finds the club owner (who’s heard everybody) sitting at the bar, and walks right up to him.
"I’m the best fuckin’ piano player you ever heard", he tells the club owner, "and I’m here for a job".
The owner resists the urge to just throw his ass out (or perhaps offer him employment washing dishes), figures ‘what’ve I got to lose’."Okay pal, you’ve got 5 minutes", he tells the guy. "Dazzle me or your ass is outa here".
So the guy sits down at the piano, and for the next 5 minutes out comes the most amazing sounds the owner has ever heard-and he’s heard everybody!! The guy finishes playing and the club owner is just flabbergasted. "My God, what was that?"he asks the man.
"Oh yeah", he answers. "That’s one of mine. It’s called ‘I’ve Got a Boil on my Ass and It’s Oozing Pus’ ".
The club owner shudders, swallows heavily. "Okay, what else you got?"
And the guy starts playing a ballad. Just like the first tune, they’re the most amazing sounds the owner has ever heard. It’s almost painfully beautiful. He’s crying by the time the guy finishes playing. "And what in the world was that?" he asks the man.
"Oh yeah", the man replies. "Another one of mine. It’s called 'I Have Hemorrhoids and Diahrrea and My Underwear is Filled with Blood and Shit'."
And once again the club owner shudders. This guy is hands-down the most incredible pianist he’s ever heard, but at the same time the crudest individual he’s ever met. Definitely a sensitive situation.
"Okay, here’s what", he tells the guy. "I can start you this Friday. But you don’t say a word to nobody, got it? You just come in, play your sets and get off the stand."
So Friday rolls around, the guy is playing his first set, people are digging it immensely-as he really is an incredible player. He gets up at the end of his set, and a lady stops him.
"Excuse me, sir", she says, "but do you know your pants are ripped and your balls are showing?"
"Know it?!" he replies, "I fuckin’ wrote it!"
posted by Roger U Roundly at 5:03 PM
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